Language Barrier

It was destined to happen. It was on our radar years ago. We knew there was no avoiding it. All the early projections pointed to these next 4 months as a critical time for us. It will make us, or break us. It’s official: we now have a teenager and a preschooler living under the same roof. (Cue the scary music)

Our oldest son Alex turned 13 this week. First he gets sent to Middle School, and now this. The effects of having a teenage Middle Schooler in our household have already been exhausting. It started with the hair. Alex has decided to make a statement by growing out his hair. He essentially hasn’t had a haircut since June. We were warned that this might happen, and we were advised to allow for the minor rebellions, resist the major ones. So his hair is getting long…and he doesn’t really comb it either. On its own, this wouldn’t be a problem, but when you throw a preschooler into the mix, things get complicated. Christopher doesn’t understand why Mom and Dad allow such radical behavior, not to mention why Mom and Dad don’t allow the preschooler to skip a haircut or two.

Another complication is bedtime. With a Middle Schooler, an Elementary Schooler, and a Preschooler in our home, we have been forced to develop an intricate Flex-Schedule Bedtime Program© sponsored by Timex. And shortly after the Bedtime Program shuts down for the night, it seems the Flex-Wake-Up Process© sponsored by Eggo Waffles begins the day anew again.

And then, it was just a few weeks into his Middle School career when Alex informed us his first major Middle School observation: Everyone Swears!. It seems the transition from 5th grade to 6th grade is so traumatic that the kids are overcome with innovative expletives and overly expressive vocabulary additions. Now this, of course, didn’t come as a surprise to me and Laurie. We vaguely remember 6th grade. That’s the age of Expanding Boundaries. The problem is, on one hand we have a teenager testing his expanding boundaries, and on the other hand we still have a preschooler just learning his boundaries. That combination can be very confusing. Now when it comes to bad language in our household, we really don’t have a problem. It’s impossible to shelter your kids from foul language. They hear it in movies, they hear it at sporting events, and they hear it from their mother in the split seconds right before near car wrecks. But Christopher does his best to keep his older brothers innocent. He’s developed a cute little self-sensoring technique which has become a great reminder to his brothers that his ears are still not ready for Middle School. Whenever he sees or hears something shocking, he will suddenly exclaim, "What the beeeeeeep!" Our drive home from Buffalo, NY over the holidays produced one such moment. It was late at night and the kids were sound asleep. I stopped to fill up for gas one last time in South Carolina. I noticed how filthy our car had become from the salty roads up north, so I decided to go through the car wash. The noise of the car wash must have startled Christopher, because all of a sudden Laurie and I heard Christopher calmly say, "What the Beeeeeeeep!" We turned to see Christopher wide-eyed and in a state of shock. I’m not sure where he learned to sensor himself...but the effect in our household is we're still Rated G for General Audiences.

And I guess that’s the beauty of having such a range of children’s ages in one house. You really never know which child is going to step forward and lead the way.