Let me preface this story by admitting I will never be mistaken for Ernest Hemingway, neither for my writing skills nor my rugged outdoorsman qualities. My 2 oldest sons are Boy Scouts now, working their way up the ranks. I've purposely stayed clear of their progress, trying not to disrupt their path or corrupt their manliness. But I do like to pay a visit once in a while to some of their monthly outings. They go to some interesting places and they often do some pretty cool things. A recent outing to Watson Mill State Park intrigued me because it promised an opportunity to do some mountain biking or kayaking. So I brought my tent and tagged along.
Every good story has a good backdrop, and this backdrop involves the other scout dads who went on the trip, also known as "Adult Leaders". They're all great guys, and more importantly, great role models for my kids to hang around, but one thing I've noticed about the adult leadership in the Boy Scout community in Northeast Georgia: political affiliations are assumed to be Conservative, unless otherwise stated (and only the bravest Liberal would risk stating it otherwise). There's no hiding the fact that most of the dads in the Troop are card-carrying, red-blooded, right-minded Republicans...not that there's anything wrong with that. Now, I've always tried to teach my kids the value of keeping political views to yourself. I tell them that one day they'll have a political voice that they'll exercise on Election day each year, but otherwise, unless they're running for office, there's really no need to reveal their political leanings or rant about political happenings. That's how my dad taught me, and to this day I don't know if my Dad is a Democrat or Republican...I suspect he's neither, or more accurately, he's both. I've tried with my own sons to instill this same appreciation in regards to both spectrums of the American politcal landscape. After all, I'm a classic Middle Child, fully capable of appreciating the left and right side of any debate. I personally feel America works well with its Left-Right give-and-take. The 2-party system has an incredible track record here. I often tell my kids that when they're old enough to vote, they'll appreciate the fact that when they step into an election booth, only their conscience will go with them. I realize, however, not all dads or Adult Leaders would subscribe to this simplified rationale. The results of a mock-Presidential election we held with the Cub Scouts in 2008 (kids aged 7-11 years old) tells me Dads in this area are not shy about revealing their political affiliations at the dinner table. John McCain blew away Barack Obama in the most one-sided landslide in politcal history...according to the youths of Pack 597.
Needless to say, these scout outings can have some pretty opinionated, one-sided campfire chat sessions. I rarely contribute to these discussions, which leads me to sometimes imagine "suspicious" glances from some of the other dads. As you can imagine, the usual Left Wing stereotypes are tossed into the mix...you know, the whole "over-dependency" thing, the "free handouts" thing, the "bailouts", and the "lack of concrete planning" thing. At one point I thought Glen Beck was going to drop in on our campfire from a FOX helicopter and setup some remote wilderness broadcast. I feared the campfire was quickly turning into a tea party.
Why the long backdrop to this story? Well, it sets up my inevitable fall from grace, of course. I decided to go kayaking instead of mountain biking. It was going to be a 90 degree day...why would I want to do all that pedaling when I can instead allow a river current to gently whisk me away? My oldest son, Alex, qualified for kayaking based on his age. So, along with 9 other scouts and 2 other dads, off we went. Every scout trip should be a learning experience, or I should say a "teaching experience". That's really why we do these things. Well, I came back from this trip with a wealth of learning tips which I will now share.
Lesson 1: When the lady at the kayak rental place suggests at the last minute that it might be a good idea to leave your car keys at the rental place, that's a clue for potential hazards. Pay attention.
Lesson 2: Kayak rental places are generally built near a quiet part of a river, for good reason, it allows for easy drop-in's. This does not necessarily represent the nature of the entire river.
Lesson 3: Small electronics, like phones and cameras, have no place on a kayak trip. And you won't need your wallet either.
Lesson 4: When your son gets to his first set of rapids and is hung up on a rock and about to drift backwards, let him deal with it on his own. Really, he'll figure it out. Just like they tell you in case of an emergency on an airplane, take care of yourself first. You can't help others until you first help yourself...which leads to Lesson 5.
Lesson 5: When drifting down a river, pay attention to what's ahead of you. Don't look back and fruitlessly yell instructions to your son who is hung up on a rock and about to drift backwards down a river. That's his problem.
Lesson 6: When flipped over in rapids and ejected from your vessel, focus first on holding onto your paddle and then retrieving your vessel. Actually focus first on holding your breath and getting to the surface, then do the other things. Do not waste your time trying to salvage your phone, your camera, and your wallet. Most likely they're already ruined beyond repair and/or lost forever. Life will go on without those gadgets, but a kayaking trip in which you lose your kayak and your paddle with Republicans watching is something you may never recover from.
Less than a half mile into our 6 mile trip, I had flipped out of my boat, lost my paddle, flooded my vessel, ruined my Blackberry, and lost my camera. Luckily I wasn't alone. The baseball caps, t-shirts, and shoes floating downstream told me most of the scouts had tipped over as well. But among the adult leaders, who are technically supposed to be there as guides and mentors to the kids, I was all alone. The two dry Republicans downstream had already BAILED ME OUT and fetched my paddle. They brought cameras as well, but of course, because they are NATURALLY GOOD PLANNERS, they also brought these amazing things called Dry Bags to store them in. Looking for a FREE HANDOUT at this point, I asked to store my water-logged Blackberry and wallet in one of their Dry Bags. In no time at all, I had become the very thing they despised most: an OVER-DEPENDENT BURDEN, looking for a FREE HANDOUT while BAILING OUT my kayak.
Later that night, back at camp, news of my demise spread like wild-campfire. Adding insult to injury, the 2 Republicans described the rapids, which in my mind were Burt Reynolds-like, as "Class 0.5" at best. Tea anybody?
Note: The picture above is an artist's rendition of the actual event...since my camera was lost to the river.
Every good story has a good backdrop, and this backdrop involves the other scout dads who went on the trip, also known as "Adult Leaders". They're all great guys, and more importantly, great role models for my kids to hang around, but one thing I've noticed about the adult leadership in the Boy Scout community in Northeast Georgia: political affiliations are assumed to be Conservative, unless otherwise stated (and only the bravest Liberal would risk stating it otherwise). There's no hiding the fact that most of the dads in the Troop are card-carrying, red-blooded, right-minded Republicans...not that there's anything wrong with that. Now, I've always tried to teach my kids the value of keeping political views to yourself. I tell them that one day they'll have a political voice that they'll exercise on Election day each year, but otherwise, unless they're running for office, there's really no need to reveal their political leanings or rant about political happenings. That's how my dad taught me, and to this day I don't know if my Dad is a Democrat or Republican...I suspect he's neither, or more accurately, he's both. I've tried with my own sons to instill this same appreciation in regards to both spectrums of the American politcal landscape. After all, I'm a classic Middle Child, fully capable of appreciating the left and right side of any debate. I personally feel America works well with its Left-Right give-and-take. The 2-party system has an incredible track record here. I often tell my kids that when they're old enough to vote, they'll appreciate the fact that when they step into an election booth, only their conscience will go with them. I realize, however, not all dads or Adult Leaders would subscribe to this simplified rationale. The results of a mock-Presidential election we held with the Cub Scouts in 2008 (kids aged 7-11 years old) tells me Dads in this area are not shy about revealing their political affiliations at the dinner table. John McCain blew away Barack Obama in the most one-sided landslide in politcal history...according to the youths of Pack 597.
Needless to say, these scout outings can have some pretty opinionated, one-sided campfire chat sessions. I rarely contribute to these discussions, which leads me to sometimes imagine "suspicious" glances from some of the other dads. As you can imagine, the usual Left Wing stereotypes are tossed into the mix...you know, the whole "over-dependency" thing, the "free handouts" thing, the "bailouts", and the "lack of concrete planning" thing. At one point I thought Glen Beck was going to drop in on our campfire from a FOX helicopter and setup some remote wilderness broadcast. I feared the campfire was quickly turning into a tea party.
Why the long backdrop to this story? Well, it sets up my inevitable fall from grace, of course. I decided to go kayaking instead of mountain biking. It was going to be a 90 degree day...why would I want to do all that pedaling when I can instead allow a river current to gently whisk me away? My oldest son, Alex, qualified for kayaking based on his age. So, along with 9 other scouts and 2 other dads, off we went. Every scout trip should be a learning experience, or I should say a "teaching experience". That's really why we do these things. Well, I came back from this trip with a wealth of learning tips which I will now share.
Lesson 1: When the lady at the kayak rental place suggests at the last minute that it might be a good idea to leave your car keys at the rental place, that's a clue for potential hazards. Pay attention.
Lesson 2: Kayak rental places are generally built near a quiet part of a river, for good reason, it allows for easy drop-in's. This does not necessarily represent the nature of the entire river.
Lesson 3: Small electronics, like phones and cameras, have no place on a kayak trip. And you won't need your wallet either.
Lesson 4: When your son gets to his first set of rapids and is hung up on a rock and about to drift backwards, let him deal with it on his own. Really, he'll figure it out. Just like they tell you in case of an emergency on an airplane, take care of yourself first. You can't help others until you first help yourself...which leads to Lesson 5.
Lesson 5: When drifting down a river, pay attention to what's ahead of you. Don't look back and fruitlessly yell instructions to your son who is hung up on a rock and about to drift backwards down a river. That's his problem.
Lesson 6: When flipped over in rapids and ejected from your vessel, focus first on holding onto your paddle and then retrieving your vessel. Actually focus first on holding your breath and getting to the surface, then do the other things. Do not waste your time trying to salvage your phone, your camera, and your wallet. Most likely they're already ruined beyond repair and/or lost forever. Life will go on without those gadgets, but a kayaking trip in which you lose your kayak and your paddle with Republicans watching is something you may never recover from.
Less than a half mile into our 6 mile trip, I had flipped out of my boat, lost my paddle, flooded my vessel, ruined my Blackberry, and lost my camera. Luckily I wasn't alone. The baseball caps, t-shirts, and shoes floating downstream told me most of the scouts had tipped over as well. But among the adult leaders, who are technically supposed to be there as guides and mentors to the kids, I was all alone. The two dry Republicans downstream had already BAILED ME OUT and fetched my paddle. They brought cameras as well, but of course, because they are NATURALLY GOOD PLANNERS, they also brought these amazing things called Dry Bags to store them in. Looking for a FREE HANDOUT at this point, I asked to store my water-logged Blackberry and wallet in one of their Dry Bags. In no time at all, I had become the very thing they despised most: an OVER-DEPENDENT BURDEN, looking for a FREE HANDOUT while BAILING OUT my kayak.
Later that night, back at camp, news of my demise spread like wild-campfire. Adding insult to injury, the 2 Republicans described the rapids, which in my mind were Burt Reynolds-like, as "Class 0.5" at best. Tea anybody?
Note: The picture above is an artist's rendition of the actual event...since my camera was lost to the river.
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