My family has made the switch. We used to be “10 AM'ers” and now we’re
“8 AM'ers”. Judging by the increasing size of the 8 AM crowd, I have a feeling we’re not alone in making this switch. The 10 AM mass simply became too stressful. We would arrive at 9:39 (9:40 is too late to secure 5 seats together), which means we leave our house at 9:25. Even then we’re cutting it close. Will we make that green light on Buford Hwy? One slow car in front of us on Hamilton Mill Road is the difference between comfortable seats or an hour and a half of helping to support the church walls from collapsing. As we pull into the parking lot, a few last minute instructions for the wife and kids: “Do not make eye contact with anybody until we’re in our seats”. One pleasant exchange in the parking lot or church lobby means 10-15 lost seats inside, easily. With 3 little kids depending on me, the pressure was unbearable. Experienced “10 AM'ers” know their chances for a seat at first glance of the parking lot. But, just when you feel safe, there’s the last variable you didn’t count on: a baptism. One well-dressed, relaxed family in the parking lot is always a sign of trouble. Most likely, they’re well dressed for a baptism, and they’re relaxed because they know their seats are reserved. A baptism equates to 2-4 less pews to sit in, minimum. Double baptism? Forget it. You may as well be on the Titanic looking for a lifeboat. Adding insult to injury, baptisms add at least 10 minutes to your wall-supporting time. I love a good baptism and all, and there’s no denying the beauty of the sacrament, but I found myself looking at the babies as nothing more than another person to compete with for seats. Sometimes I swear those babies make eye contact with me and they seem to be saying, “I’m coming after your seat, big guy”. Maybe I’m just paranoid.
That’s when I knew I had a problem. The first step, of course, is to admit the problem: “My name is Todd Galucki and I am a “10 AM pew seeker”. My therapist (also called “my wife”) recommended I make the switch. We made the switch. Those first few weeks were incredible. Sure our kids were zonked out from having to wake up so early, but now with the extra room in the pews they could actually sleep horizontally instead of upright. 8 AM mass is really the exiled version of 10 AM. Just call us “10 AM Refugees”. And the donuts are just as good. Already, though, I see the signs of trouble at 8 AM. Suddenly my kids are being propped upright instead of sleeping comfortably sideways. Suddenly the parking lot is filling up earlier and earlier. Luckily, because of our extensive 10 AM experience, we’re still way ahead of the learning curve. There are a lot of “8 AM’ers” who are woefully unprepared for the coming surge. One of my great pleasures of the 8 AM experience, besides the elbow space, heartwarming service and wonderful homilies from Fr. Fred and Fr. Eric of course, is to walk outside after mass and witness the early signs of chaos as the “10 AMers” begin to arrive. I know it’s just a matter of time before those “10 AMers” start lining up, wrapped around the church for advance seating. Perhaps they’ll establish a lottery system for securing seats. Who knows how bad it will get? Thank goodness I got out when I did. But deep down I know we’re just holding on at 8 AM till the new church is built. Each week more and more “10 AM Refugees” are learning to wake up early on Sunday morning. The bags under their eyes are a dead giveaway. Hang in there 8 AM, just one more year to go.
Maybe at the new church we could implement one of my pure church fantasies: season tickets. Put me down for lower level, pew 3, seats 1-5. It’s always been a dream of mine to walk up to a family in church and say, “Excuse me, I believe you’re sitting in my pew”. On weeks that I can’t attend, I could scalp my tickets in the parking lot. Maybe there should be Communion vendors, too, so we don’t have to leave our seats. And I’ve always believed there should be a halftime, with entertainment. But I’ll leave that argument for another time.
Next topic: length of mass
That’s when I knew I had a problem. The first step, of course, is to admit the problem: “My name is Todd Galucki and I am a “10 AM pew seeker”. My therapist (also called “my wife”) recommended I make the switch. We made the switch. Those first few weeks were incredible. Sure our kids were zonked out from having to wake up so early, but now with the extra room in the pews they could actually sleep horizontally instead of upright. 8 AM mass is really the exiled version of 10 AM. Just call us “10 AM Refugees”. And the donuts are just as good. Already, though, I see the signs of trouble at 8 AM. Suddenly my kids are being propped upright instead of sleeping comfortably sideways. Suddenly the parking lot is filling up earlier and earlier. Luckily, because of our extensive 10 AM experience, we’re still way ahead of the learning curve. There are a lot of “8 AM’ers” who are woefully unprepared for the coming surge. One of my great pleasures of the 8 AM experience, besides the elbow space, heartwarming service and wonderful homilies from Fr. Fred and Fr. Eric of course, is to walk outside after mass and witness the early signs of chaos as the “10 AMers” begin to arrive. I know it’s just a matter of time before those “10 AMers” start lining up, wrapped around the church for advance seating. Perhaps they’ll establish a lottery system for securing seats. Who knows how bad it will get? Thank goodness I got out when I did. But deep down I know we’re just holding on at 8 AM till the new church is built. Each week more and more “10 AM Refugees” are learning to wake up early on Sunday morning. The bags under their eyes are a dead giveaway. Hang in there 8 AM, just one more year to go.
Maybe at the new church we could implement one of my pure church fantasies: season tickets. Put me down for lower level, pew 3, seats 1-5. It’s always been a dream of mine to walk up to a family in church and say, “Excuse me, I believe you’re sitting in my pew”. On weeks that I can’t attend, I could scalp my tickets in the parking lot. Maybe there should be Communion vendors, too, so we don’t have to leave our seats. And I’ve always believed there should be a halftime, with entertainment. But I’ll leave that argument for another time.
Next topic: length of mass
No comments:
Post a Comment